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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #australian #workforce #five #industries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart displays the proportion of the workforce in Australia in five different industries
betweenn
Correct your spelling
between
 the years 1962 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
workers
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 in service increased and remained the highest among all other industries
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of
workers
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 in
manufactoring
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manufacturing
, agriculture, construction and mining decreased over the period. The number of employees in
service
Correct article usage
the service
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 industry began the period at just above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half and grew gradually
year
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 on
year
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 until it reached nearly 80% in 2012.
Workers
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 in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 sector started the period at nearly a quarter in 1962 and declined slightly to just 20% in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
 it rose slightly to a quarter in 1990 and remained relatively stable for ten years until 2000 before it began to drop to nearly 10% in 2012. The
percentages
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percentage
show examples
 of employers in agriculture began the
beriod
Correct your spelling
period
 at nearly 10 % in 1962 before its gradual drop
year
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 on
year
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 until it reached nearly 5% in 2012. The workforce in construction was at nearly 9% in 1962 and it went up
to
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apply
show examples
slightly to just above 10% in 2012. The
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
workers
Use synonyms
 in mining was at a tiny fraction in 1962 before its slight increase to approximately 4% in 2012 which remained the lowest among others.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
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