IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of peoples salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools . Others feel that taxes are a bad thing .

#people #governments #proportion #peoples #salaries #services #roads #schools #taxes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Should governments finance necessary public services
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 obtained from
taxes
Use synonyms
 or not? In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 we should pay a part of our profit to the state . In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 we support the economy , which leads to
modernisation
Add an article
the modernisation
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 .
Although
Linking Words
 there are many benefits, some people
feet
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 that
taxes
Use synonyms
 are a bad thing . Paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 means investing in the future modernisation of the
country
Use synonyms
 and making it a better place for us and the next generations , even though it means giving a part of the salary to the government. Taxpayers feel proud because they are being useful to the
country
Use synonyms
 they live in and
furthermore
Linking Words
 they earn their integrity, as they are working not only for themselves but
also
Linking Words
 for the society they live in . The tax paying rules are different across the world ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 very resemble between the countries . Approximately 30%-40% of the income goes to the government so it can invest
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 into public needs
such
Linking Words
 as roads and schools .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Almost 97% of school
district
Fix the agreement mistake
districts
show examples
 in California rely on state funding . A considerable part of the population believes that
taxes
Use synonyms
 are too high and the governments of the countries
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 use the tax
money
Use synonyms
 as they should .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they are not motivated to pay the
taxes
Use synonyms
 in corrupt countries , where a lot of people around them feel the same . There are very few knowledge-sharing campaigns about 100 that show the the ratio of invested
money
Use synonyms
 from
taxes
Use synonyms
 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 they can change the views of people who think
taxes
Use synonyms
 are too high .
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think we should invest in more information campaigns
such
Linking Words
 as
IRS
Correct article usage
the IRS
show examples
 , who show the true importance of paying
taxes
Use synonyms
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that paying
public
Change preposition
for public
show examples
 necessary services from
taxes
Use synonyms
 is a good thing ,
in addition
Linking Words
 to that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe we should invest more
informing
Change preposition
in informing
show examples
 the taxpayers about the true
importante
Correct your spelling
importance
 of it , though some may think it is not the right way
push
Fix the infinitive
to push
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 forward.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your viewpoints. This will enhance the argument and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas by using more transition words and cohesive devices. This can help in linking ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic and encompass different perspectives of the argument on taxes.
logical structure
You have demonstrated good logical structure overall, with distinct paragraphs addressing key aspects of the discussion about taxes and public services.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: