IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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These days , some
people
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 hold the view that one of the major goals of
science
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 should be to develop
people
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's lives. The
development
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 of
science
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 and
technology
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 is rapid, meanwhile,
this
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 topic become more and more popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 point and I support that
people
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 should help the
development
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 of
science
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 and
technology
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. On the one hand,
science
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 and
technology
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 can bring a comfortable and convenient life. As far as we all know ,
science
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 is the first power of production. Through the
development
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 of
science
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 and
technology
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,
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People'
Change noun form
People's
show examples
 lives
increasingly
Add a missing verb
are increasingly
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 inseparable from
technology
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.
People
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 enjoy all kinds of
technology
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 in their daily
life
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lives
show examples
.
For example
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,
People
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 use smartphones to watch websites
buy
Correct word choice
and buy
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 products no matter what they want to buy. They should only wait one or three days, the products will show up at the door. Online payment is
also
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 popular
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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. It is
instead
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 of using paper money and coins, especially, during Covid-19, it is a good way to reduce content with others.
In addition
Linking Words
, The progress of
science
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 can bring about the
development
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 of medical
technology
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.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
people
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 pay attention to their health,
as well as
Linking Words
, they want to have a healthy life. Through the
development
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 of
sicence
Correct your spelling
science
,
scientist
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scientists
show examples
 can create more and more vaccines to treat all kinds of diseases. In conclusion,
sceience
Correct your spelling
science
 will make our lives more and more comfortable.
People
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shoud
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should
 support the
development
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 of
science
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, The government
formulates
Wrong verb form
should formulate
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 relevant policies to support the
development
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 of
science
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 and
technology
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 to welcome a great and wonderful future.
Submitted by 13230556086 on

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task achievement
Ensure examples are specific and directly support your point. For instance, rather than general statements about technology, provide specific instances where scientific advancements have directly benefited communities, like improvements in public health or education.
coherence cohesion
There need to be more smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, connect ideas within a paragraph to show how they contribute to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure for clarity. Eliminating run-on sentences or breaking them into shorter, clear sentences can improve understandability.
task achievement
The essay offers a clear stance on the provided statement, which helps in establishing your main argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are presented well, giving the essay a complete structure, which is crucial for clear communication.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as smartphone technology and online payments, helps to illustrate the points made, adding some depth to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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