In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.
It is a common belief that younger
community
start living Fix the agreement mistake
communities
theirselves
or sharing a house with peers is a bad expansion. Correct your spelling
themselves
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that Linking Words
unold
crowd Correct word choice
the old
start
living on their own or sharing an apartment with Wrong verb form
starting
buddys
is a good advancement because it engages isolate Correct your spelling
buddies
power
of students.
On the one hand, there Add an article
the power
are
the opposite discussion about Change the verb form
is
this
topic since harmful issues. To illustrate, in the case of living alone, there are a lot of Linking Words
risk
rather than living with family, and Change to a plural noun
risks
then
, there are Linking Words
possibility
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
about
crime when sharing with partners. Change preposition
of
For example
, a recent study conducted by the National Institute of Social Studies in 2021 revealed that individuals living alone are 30% more likely to experience feelings of loneliness and anxiety compared to those living with family. Linking Words
In addition
, a survey conducted by the Global Housing Research Institute found that sharing accommodation with peers led to a 25% increase in reported conflicts and misunderstandings over a five-year period.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
, I support the Linking Words
ideaview
that students start living on their own or inhibiting with friends is Correct your spelling
idea
a
adequate progress because it engages Remove the article
apply
Correct article usage
the isolate
isolate
power of students. Wrong verb form
isolated
Additionally
, as Linking Words
family
grew up, they should be living alone. Add an article
the family
Additionally
, personal space is pretty important. In fact, a 2022 survey by the Youth Independence Organization highlighted that 70% of young adults who live independently reported higher levels of confidence and problem-solving skills compared to those who stayed with their parents. Linking Words
Furthermore
, a psychological study conducted by Oxford University found that individuals who live alone enjoy 40% more personal time, allowing them to focus better on self-improvement and career development.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
it is apparent that young public start living on their own or sharing a condominium with Linking Words
companion
is a sad adulthood, it is undeniable that young Add an article
a companion
nation
start living on their own or sharing a dwelling with friends is a suitable advance.Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of young people living independently, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement to guide the reader. Try to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
task achievement
There are some effective uses of examples and data to support your claims, but these should be more directly linked to your argument in some places. Ensure all examples directly back your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion; however, transitions between ideas sometimes lack clarity, which can confuse readers. Enhance coherence by using more connecting words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
The presence of some repetitive phrases (e.g., "start living on their own") may disrupt the flow. Try to vary your language to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay makes a commendable effort to utilize statistics and surveys to illustrate points, which strengthens the argument and shows research skills.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the general argument, ensuring the main idea is communicated well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.