IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

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It is a common belief that younger
community
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communities
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 start living
theirselves
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themselves
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 or sharing a house with peers is a bad expansion.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that
unold
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the old
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 crowd
start
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starting
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 living on their own or sharing an apartment with
buddys
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buddies
 is a good advancement because it engages isolate
power
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the power
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 of students. On the one hand, there
are
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is
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 the opposite discussion about
this
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 topic since harmful issues. To illustrate, in the case of living alone, there are a lot of
risk
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risks
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 rather than living with family, and
then
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, there are
possibility
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possibilities
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about
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of
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 crime when sharing with partners.
For example
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, a recent study conducted by the National Institute of Social Studies in 2021 revealed that individuals living alone are 30% more likely to experience feelings of loneliness and anxiety compared to those living with family.
In addition
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, a survey conducted by the Global Housing Research Institute found that sharing accommodation with peers led to a 25% increase in reported conflicts and misunderstandings over a five-year period.
Nevertheless
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, I support the
ideaview
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idea
 that students start living on their own or inhibiting with friends is
a
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apply
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adequate progress because it engages
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the isolate
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isolate
Wrong verb form
isolated
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 power of students.
Additionally
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, as
family
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the family
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 grew up, they should be living alone.
Additionally
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, personal space is pretty important. In fact, a 2022 survey by the Youth Independence Organization highlighted that 70% of young adults who live independently reported higher levels of confidence and problem-solving skills compared to those who stayed with their parents.
Furthermore
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, a psychological study conducted by Oxford University found that individuals who live alone enjoy 40% more personal time, allowing them to focus better on self-improvement and career development. In conclusion,
while
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 it is apparent that young public start living on their own or sharing a condominium with
companion
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a companion
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 is a sad adulthood, it is undeniable that young
nation
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nations
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 start living on their own or sharing a dwelling with friends is a suitable advance.

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of young people living independently, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement to guide the reader. Try to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
task achievement
There are some effective uses of examples and data to support your claims, but these should be more directly linked to your argument in some places. Ensure all examples directly back your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion; however, transitions between ideas sometimes lack clarity, which can confuse readers. Enhance coherence by using more connecting words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
The presence of some repetitive phrases (e.g., "start living on their own") may disrupt the flow. Try to vary your language to maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay makes a commendable effort to utilize statistics and surveys to illustrate points, which strengthens the argument and shows research skills.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the general argument, ensuring the main idea is communicated well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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