IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some developed countries now have unemployment problems. Why do people still want to immigrate to these countries? Give reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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Getting a job is one of the most individual concerns. There are many careers available in developing
countries
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;
however
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,
this
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 does not mean that all
people
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 in that place have a job. But some
people
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 leave their
countries
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 to develop a place with their own goals. In general, nobody would leave their home to another with no reward. Some
people
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 who have a specific certificate prefer to travel to get a job that might not be popular in the local area.
For instance
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, my uncle graduated in 2002 from Dammam International University with a doctorate degree in smart electronic engineering. He found a career in the same college with a moderate salary.
Although
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 he refused the offer
then
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 he immigrated to Britain where he got a high salary with accommodation and enrolled his kids in an international school. Now, he is creating his own business and building a new big classical house.
Due to
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this
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 reason, it lets
people
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 think more about staying in their
countries
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 and
this
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 chance is only for a special person.
On the other hand
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, some individuals travel to join family members who have already settled in developed
countries
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, seeking emotional support and stronger family ties. Despite high unemployment, there is sometimes a demand for skilled workers in specific sectors where there is a shortage,
such
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 as IT or healthcare, which attracts immigrants with these skills. in conclusion, even though an individual's purpose is,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 to different
countries
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 does not mean the availability of jobs.

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding the introduction to provide a clearer background on the topic and state your main argument. This will strengthen the orientation of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing paragraphs more fully to improve the logical flow between ideas and make your arguments clearer.
Task Achievement
Make sure each main point is clearly introduced and supported with detailed examples or explanations to enhance clarity and comprehension.
Task Achievement
You provided a relevant and specific example of your uncle's experience which effectively supports your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and offers a reasonable closure to the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay maintains a good balance of different perspectives, adding depth to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Quality of life
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational opportunities
  • Safety and security
  • Family reunification
  • Democratic institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Multiculturalism
  • Skilled workforce
  • Employment prospects
  • Social services
  • National security
  • Standard of living
  • Immigrant integration
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