IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that children should play games which require teamwork such as football and basketball whereas, some think they should be doing individual sports such as swimming and running. Do you agree or disagree?

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Physical activities are playing
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in today's society to remain healthy in
this
Linking Words
 sedentary lifestyle. Most of the children are
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in various activities. Some masses think that pupils should
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
teamwork related
Add a hyphen
teamwork-related
show examples
games
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 opine that they should do separate activities. I firmly agree with both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statements.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the positive aspects of
doing
Verb problem
playing
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 in a group, Children can earn some good ethics in their behaviour.
For instance
Linking Words
, They can learn how to work
together with
Linking Words
 unity and
also
Linking Words
 how to respect each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
show examples
 ideas. By doing in a team, Peeps can enhance their
skills
Use synonyms
 by gaining other team workers good qualities.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, They can socialize more and increase good communication
skills
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, children can make more friends and they can learn how to live in society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, playing alone
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own merits as individualism helps to maintain self confidence
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
For
show examples
,
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 who
involves
Wrong verb form
is involved
show examples
 in swimming and running like
games
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more confidence and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can do anything in their life as they are not dependent on others for their own
skills
Use synonyms
. No one can beat them because they already
bulit
Correct your spelling
built
 their own talents.
Also
Linking Words
, they can do better in their
skills
Use synonyms
 to earn first rank.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Physical
games
Use synonyms
 are significant for our health. It
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
 matter
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 they are
Correct your spelling
playing
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
 in a team or in an in

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion, possibly restating the main opinion in both sections.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and detailed examples to support each point made.
task achievement
Elaborate on certain ideas to avoid ambiguity and to improve the clarity of the argumentation.
task achievement
Both perspectives on team and individual sports are acknowledged and explored.
task achievement
The essay discusses various benefits of both team and individual activities, covering a range of ideas.
task achievement
An attempt to explain the value of sports in developing personal and social skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • social skills
  • self-reliance
  • goal setting
  • pressure
  • unity
  • cooperation
  • social anxieties
  • interpersonal skills
  • personal achievement
  • diverse groups
  • encouraging
  • stressful
  • broaden
  • instill
  • directly linked
  • competitive
What to do next:
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