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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canda the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

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The provided bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the share ratios in 5 areas which are
food
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, housing,
transportation
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,
health
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care
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 and clothing within 4
countries
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, at where are United States, Canada,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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KIngdom
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
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 and Japan.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all 5
countries
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housing shares the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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biggest
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
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that is
Linking Words
 about 20% to 25%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
health
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care
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 and clothing have the lowest shares, the ratio is around 2% to 7%. At the same time, categories of
food
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 and
transportation
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 have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar percentage ranking in the middle. Narrowing the expenditures in different
countries
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 big differences. Especially, in the areas of
food
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 and
transportation
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, the
food
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 share ratio is 23% in Japan, meanwhile, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
Add a comma
States,
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 it only has 14%.
Similarlly
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
Transportation
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also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the most 10% gaps between
countries
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, like in Canada it has 20% of the expenditures, but in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 it shares 10%. In terms of housing,
health
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care
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 and clothing, which do not have huge differences between
countries
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.
However
Linking Words
, the ratios the
health
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care
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 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and the clothing in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 are
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 bit lower
compare
Replace the word
compared
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 to other
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, transportation, health, care, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratios" was used 4 times.
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