Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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assert that
parents
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should monitor
children
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's actions from an early age,
whereas
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others contend that they should be given more
freedom
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of
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in
show examples
their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and will conclude with personal viewpoints. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting the former notion is that offering parental discipline during formative years can help
sharp
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sharpen
show examples
their personalities and academic performances. To clarify, young
people
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tend to analyse whether their actions are good or bad from
parents
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' reactions during childhood, which is vital to gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moral
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
in the later years.
Hence
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, parental supervision can foster their morality. As for
adacemic
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academic
outcomes,
For example
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, households having a reading habit are more likely to cultivate
a
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apply
show examples
reading comprehension among young
people
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.
Therefore
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, parental
involvements
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involvement
show examples
in their
children
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can enhance not only morality but
also
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academic outcomes. Despite the advantages of parental monitoring, one major advantage
about
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of
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the latter notion is that offering
the
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apply
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freedom
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to
children
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can foster dependency and responsibility, which are essential in today's
faced-paced
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fast-paced
show examples
society. To illustrate,
children
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can opt for their movements on their own, meaning that they have to consider the results of their actions and take on the
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of their consequences.
In other words
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, they can pursue their ideal paths for their future without physical and mental barriers from
parents
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, leading to unexpected benefits for their growth.
For instance
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,
children
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would explore nature,
such
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as nearby mountains and lakes, which
otherwise
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they have not considered with
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
As a result
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, they may gain a deep appreciation for the wildlife through exciting explorations.
Hence
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, the
freedom
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of
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
can develop autonomy, responsibility and competencies that
perents
Correct your spelling
parents
have not targeted. In conclusion,
while
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parental
minotoring
Correct your spelling
monitoring
mentoring
motoring
is beneficial to develop their educational performances and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
,
the
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apply
show examples
freedom
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can cultivate their autonomy and responsibility. In my opinion, to thrive in
this
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society, since
people
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should have collaborative and supportive
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
to some extent,
parents
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should take care of them
resularly
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regularly
.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This can make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by evidence or examples. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both perspectives, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a good use of complex sentences and vocabulary, which enhances the overall coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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