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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates how steel rods are manufactured in the furniture industry. Kadirkhan Zhazira.

The diagram illustrates how steel rods are manufactured in the furniture industry. Kadirkhan Zhazira.
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The diagram provides information on how
fabricated
Verb problem
to fabricate
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 steel roads for the furniture industry.
Overall
Linking Words
, it breaks down the production into several stages, starting from melting raw materials at a specific temperature and ending up with
check
Correct article usage
a check
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 inspection of the roads.
Initially
Linking Words
, the raw materials,
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 iron ore, yellow ore, and carbon are melted at high temperatures (1300-1500°C) to create molten metal. After that,
this
Linking Words
 iron is refined and poured into ingots.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the metal bar is connected and cooled in a reservoir maintained at a temperature of 60 to 100 degrees.
On
Change preposition
In
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 the next stage, the metal
is goes
Change the verb form
goes
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 through various mechanical and thermal processes;
as
Change preposition
for
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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example, the strand is refrigerated and rolled to produce a specific shape. After that, the product is passed through treatment and heated by
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
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, followed by a surface inspection. The final processes are: the road surface
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sizing by cutter, ID stamping, and inspection to ensure quality control.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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