IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, there are lots of nations
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 from rural or outside
areas
Use synonyms
 evacuating to the capital where there are more opportunities
providing
Verb problem
apply
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such
Linking Words
 as
jobs
Use synonyms
, education, and facilities which
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 them to a better life. It is
undeniably
Change the word
undeniable
show examples
 that most
people
Use synonyms
 in developed countries choose to seek out
for
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apply
show examples
better
jobs
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
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exchange
of
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for
show examples
 moving far away from their loved ones. In
this
Linking Words
 statement, I believe that there are several benefits of
leaving
Verb problem
living
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 far away to find better opportunities in
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
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 than its drawbacks. In many countries like developing
Correct your spelling
countries
countires
Add a comma
countires,
show examples
 there was still a lack of improvements and developments in other regional
areas
Use synonyms
 apart from the capital
city
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. The population from local
areas
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 has no
chioce
Correct your spelling
choice
 but to send their kids or
moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 to the big
city
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 to find better careers where they can gain more
money
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 to live more than makes
end
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ends
show examples
 meet in their hometown.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 leads them to access
to
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apply
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better educational institutions with far more
benefit
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benefits
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 for their children.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangkok, Thailand,
people
Use synonyms
 rather leave
tehir
Correct your spelling
their
home
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homes
show examples
 and
seeks
Correct subject-verb agreement
seek
show examples
 possible
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to get
jobs
Use synonyms
 in Bangkok, as the fact that earning
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
provincal
Correct your spelling
provincial
areas
Use synonyms
 is not enough to live, especially for some
people
Use synonyms
 that have debts to pay.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, living far
way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from home always comes with more things to pay
,
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for, such
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such
Linking Words
 as
rental
Replace the word
rent
show examples
,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
while
Linking Words
 they can spend less or nothing when they are at home. With more things to take care of,
this
Linking Words
 means they need to be financially
managable
Correct your spelling
manageable
 for their daily lives more than they normally are which positively brings them to be more responsible.
With better
Change preposition
Better
show examples
 chances to meet other
peeple
Correct your spelling
people
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 could help individuals who find ways to progress their
career
Use synonyms
 move as a ladder to grow in the position. In the capital like Hanoi, Vietnam, when
graduated
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graduate
show examples
 students who come from rural wants to find a better job, they will need to move away and settle
over
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apply
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in the big
city
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, as most parts outside the
city
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gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 them
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances to grow and sustain in the
industial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 job they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 with
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 salary. Even though
this
Linking Words
 could give some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
a homesick or depressed feelings
Correct the article-noun agreement
homesick or depressed feelings
a homesick or depressed feeling
show examples
 as moving away from friends and families, it is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better for students or young adults to
earns
Wrong verb form
earn
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 more
money
Use synonyms
 and grow their
career
Use synonyms
 ladder over there than staying close to their loved ones but it has nothing to offer.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 living away
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work from families and friends can cause some
people
Use synonyms
 with mental
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
 or homesickness, there are explicitly lots of advantages for those who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to find better
jobs
Use synonyms
, grow their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, earn more
money
Use synonyms
 and make connections to have a better life than living close or in their homelands.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'developed countires' and 'tehir,' to improve clarity.
task response
Consider providing more specific examples or expanding on the given examples to strengthen your arguments. This will add depth to your essay and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of moving for work, showing a balanced understanding of the task.
task achievement
The article uses examples from real-world contexts such as Bangkok, Thailand, and Hanoi, Vietnam, to illustrate points, which greatly adds to its relevance and engagement.
coherence
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, providing a coherent flow of ideas.
coherence
The argument for moving away for work is well developed with discussions about career growth, financial management, and the opportunity for better education.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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