IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion.

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There is a debate about laws for
drink
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.
While
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 some societies are using
legit
Correct article usage
a legit
show examples
age
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 of drinking, others think
such
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 harsh laws are not needed for better policy.
This
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 essay will discuss both views in detail and put forward
that
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apply
show examples
why
former
Add an article
the former
a former
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 idea is more beneficial. Nowadays in some countries, there can be
found policy
Wrong verb form
policies
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 about a certain
age
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 for drinking refusing bars where
people
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 can
drink
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. In Saudi Arabia,
for instance
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,
people
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 are not allowed to
drink
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 from
early
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an early
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age
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such
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 as 16 or 17.
This
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 action is considered
as
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apply
show examples
illegal and young drinkers will be castigated by imprisonment or ransom. The
primarily
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primary
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
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 backlash
related
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is related
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 to
this
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 state's
religion
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religious
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of
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apply
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society.
Furthermore
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, drinking alcohol at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
age
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people
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 particularly suffer from
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like severe
headache
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headaches
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 and cirrhosis affecting
people
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's health .
This
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also
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make
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makes
show examples
people
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 intoxicated lowering their
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 on their family members and duties.
That is
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, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there
has
Verb problem
is
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 a drinking
age
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 limit. Today, there
many
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are many
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 lowes which prioritize human rights. That there has been allowed
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drink
Fix the infinitive
to drink
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 regardless of the
age
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 difference. In
such
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 countries, states put forward free activities
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can do everything based on their desire including substances like alcohol and even marijuana are permitted,
while
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 in others, they remain illegal under government constitutions. They often prove their point as protecting personal freedoms.
I
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In
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 conclusion,
this
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 essay
exlplored
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explored
explores
 two
point
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points
show examples
 and
while
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this
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 phenomenon has
Correct article usage
a negatively
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negatively
Change the adverb
negative
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 effect on the health of both young and
olders
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older
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 letter
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, with clear topic sentences and concluding sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Refer to real-world events or statistics to enhance credibility.
task achievement
Clarify some ideas to make them more comprehensive. Avoid vague phrases and provide detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully outlining the main points to be discussed and summing up the argument.
task achievement
The response addresses both sides of the argument, aligning with the task requirement to discuss varying perspectives.
task achievement
You have chosen a relevant example (Saudi Arabia) to illustrate one of your points, which helps to connect your ideas with real-world scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
What to do next:
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