IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that getting a degree from univerity is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe that employers value work experience more than a university degree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gaining
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 degree ensures
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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,
while
Linking Words
 others say that
the
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apply
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work experience is more crucial to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 employed.
While
Linking Words
 the professional experience develops practical skills, I believe that the education provided by institutions allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 implement deeper approaches to the subject. On the one hand, learning skills in real life enhances the ability to do the job. Not only do apprentices acquire
the
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apply
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essential lessons through
the
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apply
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experimental practices with their trainers, but they
also
Linking Words
 acquire the techniques of helpful methods to offer products to the public.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it shortens the duration of the educational process and prepares labourers for the society.
For example
Linking Words
, provided statistics by Nazarbayev University show that 67%
effective
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of effective
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 employees in the vast majority of countries are those individuals, who developed their skillfulness through training in their fields.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, what makes employers
to
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apply
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seek for graduates is their well-rounded knowledge imparted by the university. If humans are aware of all the aspects of their work, they can identify the
emerged
Replace the word
emerging
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 problems
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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 and create important breakthroughs in their spheres.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
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apply
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innovative advancements can be achieved in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of the employment of professionals.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a study conducted by the Ministry of Labour and Employment of Kazakhstan, 78% of experts in various fields are employed in positions related to their degrees. In conclusion, though gaining awareness in practical labour is beneficial for becoming competent, graduating
institutions
Change preposition
from institutions
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 with versatile education is the key to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 a career for the majority of people.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph supports your main argument to strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide additional examples to strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples to support the points made.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the argument effectively while providing a clear opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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