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Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
 illustrates the number of pupils who passed their seven different
Use synonyms
exam
Change to a plural noun
exams
show examples
 over the period of one year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
boys
Use synonyms
 who passed their chemistry
exam
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the lowest
while
Linking Words
 the reverse was true for other categories albeit at varying rates.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 who succeeded
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
exam
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 computer science stood out among other genres with the highest amount. Looking at the biggest figures
first,
Linking Words
36,7% of
boys
Use synonyms
 succeeded
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
exam
Use synonyms
 to physics
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
girls
Correct article usage
the girls
show examples
 who passed
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 34,7. The figure for foreign
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 followed
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 trend just around 47 48 per cent.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
boys
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
 who passed
geography
Correct article usage
the geography
show examples
 test was 30,4% per cent
whereas
Linking Words
 only 20,1% per cent of
girls
Use synonyms
 passed their test

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exam, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competency exams
  • High school
  • Pass rate
  • Disparity
  • Performance gap
  • Subject-specific analysis
  • Year-to-year progression
  • Regression
  • Overall trends
  • Significant
  • Notably wide/narrow
  • Conclusion
  • Observations
  • Consistencies
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