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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping slaes for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selectoing and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping slaes for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selectoing and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts compare the percentage of online
sales
Use synonyms
 for retail sectors in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, Traver had the most share of online
sales
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the year,
while
Linking Words
 some sectors experienced a decline, others saw an increase.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the two biggest shares in 2003, were travel and clothes had the largest proportion of online
sales
Use synonyms
 with 36% and 24%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, they dropped slightly to 29% and 16%, respectively,
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the period and it had the lowest percentage of online
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, books film and music had the smallest proportion of online
sales
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the time. Books ranked lowest with 19% and it climbed minimally to 22%
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the period. Books were replaced by clothes as the third-highest share
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the time. Film and music had a marked increase from 21% to 33% in 2013 and it was replaced by travel as the first-highest contribution
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the year

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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