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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group.
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The table presents the number of New Zealand population by four different
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 for the period between 2011 to 2012. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective ,the population increased for all
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 in total with
significant
Add an article
a significant
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percentage
Use synonyms
 of
change
Use synonyms
 whether it was
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 or
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 .All
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 faced a decline in the number in 2012 except the one over 40
years
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 . At the onset ,the number of people under 15
years
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 old decreased between 2011 with 898,160 and 2012 with 896.364 for
-0.2
Correct article usage
a -0.2
show examples
 %
percentage
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 of
change
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
 , the citizen with
age
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between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15-39
similary
Correct your spelling
similarly
similarity
similar
 decreased
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
-0.2
Correct article usage
a -0.2
show examples
 %
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
change
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
 , all the
age
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Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40
years
Use synonyms
ald
Correct your spelling
old
 increased between the two given periods .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals
with
Change preposition
apply
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over 65
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly changed with
4.0
Correct article usage
a 4.0
show examples
 %
change
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 573.946 in 2011 and 596.903 in 2012 ,
while
Linking Words
 people between 40-64
years
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 are increased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 0.6%
percentage
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 of
change
Use synonyms
 .

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, percentage, change, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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