Some parents believe children’s leisure activities should be always educational, but others think it will cause more pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Competitive

Correct article usage

A competitive

show examples

studying environment has had a demonstrable effect on modern society, especially with

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

’s

leisure

Use synonyms

activities.

While

Linking Words

some people believe that promoting

education

Use synonyms

as a

leisure

Use synonyms

activity for

children

Use synonyms

is the best method to prepare

for

Correct pronoun usage

them for

show examples

their academic success and protect them from inappropriate

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

, others disagree with

this

Linking Words

point of view and argue that

this

Linking Words

method

put

Wrong verb form

puts

show examples

pressure

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

, leading them to become stressful and depressed. On the one hand, many reasons why forcing

children

Use synonyms

to read academic books during their

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

should be compulsory.

Formost

Correct your spelling

Foremost

among these is

due to

Linking Words

improving their grades at

school

Use synonyms

. In today’s society,

rising

Correct article usage

the rising

show examples

number of

children

Use synonyms

with limited places available in top-tier universities contributes

most

Change preposition

to most

show examples

parents forcing their

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

to study harder and harder and even during their

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

to improve their grades at

school

Use synonyms

, increasing chances

to get

Change preposition

of getting

show examples

accepted

from

Change preposition

show examples

those competitive high-ranking universities.

Therefore

Linking Words

, tutoring and

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

more tests during

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

’s

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

are required to prepare

to prepare

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

them

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

Linking Words

avademic

Correct your spelling

academic

path. Another reason is that encouraging

children

Use synonyms

to stay

fous

Correct your spelling

focused

education

Use synonyms

during their free

time

Use synonyms

can protect

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

from inappropriate

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

that

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

available from various online sources. With technological advancements and social networking,

children

Use synonyms

can easily access

Change preposition

apply

show examples

violent video games, making them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

imitate

this

Linking Words

bad

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

in real life.

Consequently

Linking Words

, encouraging students to read academic books during weekends might lead them to stay away from these distractions.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, forcing

children

Use synonyms

to only concentrate in

Use synonyms

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

curriculum can cause more

pressure

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

, which leads to a negative impact on both physical and mental health

such

Linking Words

as depression.

To begin

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

a competitive environment in

classroom

Add an article

the classroom

show examples

, every

students

Change to a singular noun

student

show examples

is forced to study in an intense

education

Use synonyms

, fighting against each other to achieve the highest grade and

ranks

Correct subject-verb agreement

rank

show examples

first in their class;

thus

Linking Words

, they have no

time

Use synonyms

to relax like playing at a playground and watching

cartoon

Add an article

a cartoon

the cartoon

show examples

with their parents. As every single

minutes

Change to a singular noun

minute

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

’s

time

Use synonyms

is dedicated to

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

, they might feel

stressful

Replace the word

stressed

show examples

and depressed

to compete

Change preposition

about competing

show examples

with their best

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, meeting high

standard

Fix the agreement mistake

standards

show examples

of parents’

expectation

Fix the agreement mistake

expectations

show examples

is the main cause of

pressure

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

Linking Words

although

Change preposition

despite

show examples

the myriad of reasons why tutoring

children

Use synonyms

and forcing them

read

Add the particle

to read

show examples

academic books after their

school

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

is the best way for

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

’s

leisure

Use synonyms

activities, these actions might be pointless as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can cause more

pressure

Use synonyms

on them, resulting

Change preposition

in a

show examples

negative development on personal growth and contributing to depression symptoms that parents should consider. In my opinion, a balance between

education

Use synonyms

and extracurricular activities is required since grade is not a reflection of

achievment

Correct your spelling

achievement

but it is a good indicator of their concentration to do something.

massakorn.workMon Feb 03 2025

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task achievement

Ensure that the introduction clearly states your opinion by providing a direct thesis statement. It can help clarify your position about the balance of educational and leisure activities.

coherence and cohesion

In the body paragraphs, clarify your points with more explicit topic sentences. This aids in guiding the reader and reinforces your arguments.

task achievement

Use more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of pressure on children.

coherence and cohesion

While your conclusion summarizes the points made, it could be strengthened by rephrasing the main arguments and reasserting your final opinion more emphatically.

coherence and cohesion

The essay presents both sides of the argument reasonably well and attempts to engage with the topic thoughtfully.

coherence and cohesion

The language flow is generally good, showcasing a coherent narrative despite some inaccuracies and points that might need more depth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

451 words

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Some parents believe children’s leisure activities should be always educational, but others think it will cause more pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others argue that living in cities is more beneficial. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Playing computer games only has negative effects on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?