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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentages of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentages of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table indicates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the rate of the population
gruops
Correct your spelling
groups
 divided by
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 in the specific town who
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 bicycles in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
consisted
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 0 to 10 years old was the biggest
one
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 sexes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the 40 to 59
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the smallest proportion in
both
Use synonyms
 sexes either. Looking at the graph more closely,
one
Use synonyms
 can see that the highest rate was in
gruop
Correct your spelling
groups
 aged 0 to 10, recording over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
half of them
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
Female
Correct your spelling
males
show examples
 and
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
. The following
age
Use synonyms
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
groups
 was
teenager's
Change noun form
teenagers
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the Female
group
Use synonyms
's proportion was about 20
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 higher than the
Male's
Change noun form
Male
show examples
one
Use synonyms
. The third largest category was 60+ in
both
Use synonyms
 genders, presenting 19.8
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 in
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 14.6
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 in
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
. The lower end of
category
Add an article
the category
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consisted
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 20-39 and 40-59 in
both
Use synonyms
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
. The biggest percentage gap was in
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 10-19, and the smallest
one
Use synonyms
 was
age
Use synonyms
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
 0-9. The maximum gap was 18.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the minimum was 1.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, one, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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