IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Q1. Nowadays,many people have to work longer hours and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, more and more individuals
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 forced to
work
Use synonyms
 longer hours and they are more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 than past.
This
Linking Words
 can be
Correct article usage
a resulted
show examples
resulted
Replace the word
result
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 economic conditions and increasing consumerism.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
these reasons and solutions which employers can provide. The first reason is economic conditions which can directly affect
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. The more
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
, the more hours
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to
work
Use synonyms
 to cover their costs. In the USA,
for example
Linking Words
, simple
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 earn 10 dollars per hour equaling 80 dollars per day (based on 8
Use synonyms
work-hours
Correct your spelling
work hours
show examples
)
while
Linking Words
 they should cost around 100 dollars every day for a simple life. The second reason is consumerism which increased after the
industerial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 revolution. Some costs which are considered indispensable nowadays, can be ignored in a realistic view.
For instance
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to have their own cars,
although
Linking Words
 having a car is not necessary really. As a
solution
Add a comma
solution,
show examples
 employers can provide psychological services for their employees. Organizational psychologists can help
people
Use synonyms
 to make
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between their
work
Use synonyms
 and life or control their stress.
Also
Linking Words
, they can hold some compulsory holidays and get their employees
travel
Correct article usage
a travel
show examples
 bonus. It is proved that each journey or travel can decrease most of the
sress
Correct your spelling
stress
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from a hard
work
Use synonyms
 period. In conclusion, because of financial problems and consumerism, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 more than before resulting in
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 stress. Employers can figure
this
Linking Words
 problem out by providing organizational psychological services, holding compulsory holidays and getting travel
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction for clarity. A more cohesive introduction that clearly outlines the points you'll cover could enhance the overall structure.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to rephrase the phrases like 'more stressful than past' to 'more stressed than in the past' for improved grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Ensure that each point made is fully developed with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and provide clearer illustrations of your points.
task achievement
When discussing reasons, consider elaborating on the implications of increasing consumerism and how specifically this affects work hours.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction, outlining the reasons and solutions, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples like the income situation in the USA, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • increased competition
  • technological advancements
  • blurring the lines
  • economic pressures
  • organizational culture
  • job insecurity
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • mental health support
  • counseling services
  • stress management
  • recognize and reward
  • boost morale
  • workplace conditions
  • ergonomic
  • physical and mental strain
  • encourage delegation
  • distribute workload
  • prevent burnout
  • supportive work environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: