IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has become increasingly common for some
people
Use synonyms
 to make
payments
Use synonyms
 by
Use synonyms
cards
Fix the agreement mistake
card
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
cash
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others still insist(on) using
cash
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend may be driven by various factors and there are valid arguments for both sides. From my perspective, electronic
payments
Use synonyms
 will be a more popular and beneficial method of purchasing in the future. One of the major reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 (to) continue using
cash
Use synonyms
 is the risk of bank
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that consumers' personal information, can be hacked when they are paying through credit
cards
Use synonyms
 or
phones
Use synonyms
, eventually causing financial loss.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
cash
Use synonyms
 is a more secure way of purchasing that may reduce the potential risks of bank
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, electronic
payments
Use synonyms
 can be difficult to operate, especially for the elderly. Since old
people
Use synonyms
 may be unfamiliar with the functions of
phones
Use synonyms
 and
cards
Use synonyms
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it may be more convenient for them to purchase through paper money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, paying electronically
also
Linking Words
 brings merits to the public. Some
people
Use synonyms
 may lay emphasis on the convenience of carrying. If consumers need to buy expensive items
such
Linking Words
 as a house or a car, it can be difficult to carry a large amount of paper currency for the transaction. In
this
Linking Words
 case, paying by
Use synonyms
cards
Fix the agreement mistake
card
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
 can reduce the burdens of transition.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
cards
Use synonyms
 may release the pressure of calculation when making changes. Because the amount of
payments
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not always
integers
Fix the agreement mistake
integer
show examples
, which may complicate the process of changes.
However
Linking Words
, electronic
paying
Replace the word
payment
show examples
 methods can ease the process by only wiping the
cards
Use synonyms
 or scanning the codes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
cash
Use synonyms
 can reduce the risk of
bankruptcies
Fix the agreement mistake
bankruptcy
show examples
 and is more suitable for
people
Use synonyms
 who are unfamiliar with
phones
Use synonyms
 and
cards
Use synonyms
, paying electronically can be more advantageous for the majority, which enjoys higher portability and easier process of transactions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main arguments. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical structures, particularly when it comes to clauses and conjunctions. For example, the phrase ‘since old people may be unfamiliar’ could be rephrased to improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to expand on your main points with more specific examples or data, which would enhance the depth of your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively acknowledge both sides of the argument regarding cash and electronic payments, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: