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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
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A glance at the line chart given reveals the population percentage in four Asian regions living in towns from 1970 to 2020, with a decade forecast from 2030 to 2040. These Asian regions contain
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand and Indonesia. Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, in the past particularly in 1970,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 attained the highest percentage,
while
Linking Words
 Indonesia obtained the lowest percentage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the future
years
Use synonyms
 which are around 2030 to 2040,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will get the first position,
while
Linking Words
 Thailand will take the
last
Linking Words
 position. From an initial figure, in 1970
Philipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
show examples
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 31%,
then
Linking Words
 went to its peak in 1990
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 50%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the following
years
Use synonyms
, it decreased to its bottom in 2010. Meanwhile, in the next
years
Use synonyms
, from the prediction, it will
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 to around 50%.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 started
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30% in 1970
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 significantly in the following
years
Use synonyms
. In 2040,
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
show examples
 population is predicted to be its highest by around 80%
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other regions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Thailand started
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 less than 20% in 1970 and will grow steadily with its peak in 2040
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 45%.
In addition
Linking Words
, Indonesia which started more than 10% in 1970 and will enhance significantly in 2040 by around 55% and will get the second place after
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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