IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Increasing
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An increasing
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 number in traffic and accommodation leads to the encouragement of
businesses
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 to move out to the countryside. Government has another view in developing their downtown but
furthermore
Linking Words
,
businesses
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 need a good collaboration like they did in
cities
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. In my opinion, I believe there are significant benefits to encouraging
businesses
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 to stay in
cities
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 than rural
areas
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.
Businesses
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 often get stuck when they should be in rural
areas
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. The difficulties of connection bring to lack of communication,
also
Linking Words
 limited access to sources like knowledge and communication. Inadequate human resources from rural
field
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fields
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 will bring another difficulty.
Moreover
Linking Words
, new material given to people in rural
areas
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 will need a longer time to understand what the
business
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 is. Consideration from government to
business
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 doesn't really take mind
whereas
Linking Words
business
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 seems moving out quickly from place to place.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is an advantage for rural
areas
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 to develop their
business
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. The
business
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 flow is an example of how successful
business
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 owners do things. It makes the people in rural
areas
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 more empowered.
Although
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 lifestyle and daily conversation have a huge gap, adjustment through it hopefully doesn't need a long time. Reducing pollution in
cities
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 will be a good key takeaway and
cities
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 will become
more loose
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looser
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 in traffic. In conclusion, despite there are plenty of benefits to staying in rural
areas
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 like helping people in rural
areas
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 become empowered and reducing pollution, I believe that it's better for
businesses
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 to stay in
cities
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 rather than rural
areas
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 because the daily activities already developed well.

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task achievement
Consider expanding the introduction to clearly outline both sides of the argument, including the disadvantages of moving businesses to rural areas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis statement for better organization.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims about the disadvantages of rural locations for businesses.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on using connectors (e.g., 'however,' 'furthermore,' 'in addition') to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and engages with the topic of urban vs. rural business locations, which is a relevant issue.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces your viewpoint clearly.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic development
  • Capital infusion
  • Job opportunities
  • Standard of living
  • Urban overcrowding
  • Quality of life
  • Housing pressure
  • Healthcare pressure
  • Disruption
  • Deforestation
  • Pollution
  • Financial burden
  • Smaller companies
  • Infrastructure deficiencies
  • Sophisticated infrastructure
  • High-speed internet
  • Robust transportation networks
  • Modern amenities
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