IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media has a significant impact on the daily communications style.
While
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 it is held belief that it is considered beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 to browse each other news and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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 in touch through social media applications, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.
This
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 essay will discuss both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, social apps successfully transformed our big world into a smaller one by connecting humans from diverse backgrounds and cultures in one app only.
However
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, these websites were the principal factor in enhancing
people
Use synonyms
's relations. To elaborate, publishing upcoming social events or recent achievements became popular among all societies as the formal way of informing other individuals about
this
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 kind of news, and that can be seen in different social platforms which involve a substantial number of accomplishments' posts that have high interactions from other viewers.
On the other hand
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, advanced technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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 shaped
people
Use synonyms
's relations in a robotic way.
In other words
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,
people
Use synonyms
 have lost their
communicate
Replace the word
communication
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 ability during real-world interactions and
instead
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, they prefer to avoid socializing in actual events.
For instance
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, a study from Cambridge University concluded that a major amount of individuals refused to attend social gathering events because of their lack of social intelligence and
that
Correct word choice
apply
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due to
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 the impact of
this
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 recent technology. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance;
however
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, from my perspective, these changes in the style of communication have played a crucial factor in our developing process, and it perfectly goes
along with
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 our rapid lifestyle.

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task achievement
Try to make your thesis statement more direct, clearly stating your stance on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your arguments; consider providing more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb forms and phrases, for instance, replace 'have shaped' with 'has shaped' for grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow between sentences and paragraphs; linking phrases can help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and acknowledged different perspectives, which is important in discussing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points, reinforcing your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • instant communication
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • community engagement
  • misinformation
  • mental health impacts
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity loss
  • virtual relationships
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