IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that advanced
technology
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 has a significant role in the contemporary world.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that social
media
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 makes connections more easily by providing applications and platforms to overcome border limitations , there is
also
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 an argument that communication
technology
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 affects human life negatively.
This
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 essay will discuss the merits and the demerits of the
technology
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 and express my opinion. On the one hand ,
technology
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 reduces the time and distance factors of conventional communication by providing the ability for instant communication within a few seconds with
individuals
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 overseas through video calls, messages,and voice notes.
In addition
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 , social
media
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 is considered
as
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apply
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a window to each other lives by encouraging people to share their life updates utilizing stories or posts.
Moreover
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 , their platform now become an area for digital marketing and personal branding for many
individuals
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 and business owners by facilities many tools
such
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 as social
media
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 advertising ,influencer marketing , and sponsored content.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 social
media
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 have various benefits ,as everything it has side effects on
individuals
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' lives.
For instance
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 , recent statistics found a noticeable increase in the number of people
suffer
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suffering
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 from psychological and mental health
whereas
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 these platforms may cause addiction
,
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apply
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and distraction .
Furthermore
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 ,
the
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apply
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humans may become
a
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apply
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victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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to
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of
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 unrealistic and comparison content
thus
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, will reducing the sense of fulfilment in their lives . In conclusion , there is no easy answer to
this
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 question .On balance ,
however
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, I tend to believe that people need to be aware of the bad effects of these platforms .
Nevertheless
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, social
media
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 carry a huge benefit to the users whether they are
individuals
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 or companies .

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states your opinion, which is a strong point. However, consider clearly stating your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages early on to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are structured logically, but ensure that each point is well developed with clear examples or explanations. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments and strengthen your essay overall.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay which can distract the reader. Proofreading your work would help to catch these issues. For instance, "the humans may become a victim" could be revised to "humans may become victims", and "reducing the sense of fulfilment" should be "reduce the sense of fulfilment" to maintain parallel structure.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents balanced arguments for both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively use linking words and phrases to create a connection between your ideas, which enhances the flow of your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • instant communication
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • community engagement
  • misinformation
  • mental health impacts
  • cyberbullying
  • productivity loss
  • virtual relationships
What to do next:
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