IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

1-Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs; children aged 16-18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries, young people are enrolled in compulsory charity
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 for a period of time. They may be called on to assist the elderly,
work
Use synonyms
 with animals or perform other duties as a part of their community service. in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline what I consider to be the potential advantages of
such
Linking Words
 a program,
as well as
Linking Words
 some negative outcomes that I feel are likely to occur. In terms of the benefits to young people, there are two clear ones. The first is the personal development that can come from helping others in need. By spending time caring for or visiting members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, youngsters will undoubtedly become more compassionate and mature as they form bonds and learn.
Although
Linking Words
 the teens have not volunteered, they may still feel a sense of responsibility performing
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
. Another, perhaps less altruistic advantage, is the practical
work
Use synonyms
 experience they get. When it comes to applying for jobs in the future, their time in an animal shelter or aged care facility will be of great use to them. There are,
however
Linking Words
, some possible drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 charity scheme. One is that the youngsters may resent being forced to participate. If they choose to take part, they may find the experience more fulfilling and rewarding. When it is mandatory, though, the program may not have the desired impact. A
further
Linking Words
 issue is the stress and anxiety that may induced when teens are put in uncomfortable situations without adequate training or experience.it is perhaps inevitable that they will encounter sick or dying animals if working in
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 animal shelter,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 which may have a
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 impact on them emotionally. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 contributing
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 community is a worthwhile goal, making
this
Linking Words
 kind of
work
Use synonyms
 compulsory may be counterproductive. For maximum benefits, I feel it would be better if teens volunteered rather than being forced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main thesis and that transitions between ideas are smooth.
task achievement
In your conclusion, include a brief summary of the key points discussed to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Consider using more varied and specific examples to support your points, which would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided a clear outline of both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: