IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the constant development in tech, there are multiple digital
gadets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 available
Such
Linking Words
 as
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, mobile and tablets which entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Some people think that there should be not only
Correct article usage
a
show examples
limted
Correct your spelling
limited
timeline of the
children
Use synonyms
 in front of
screen
Add an article
a screen
show examples
 either on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or digital games,but
also
Linking Words
 motivate them to read
books
Use synonyms
.
yes
Add the punctuation
yes,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as consuming too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 digital
gadets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 can
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
 which may result in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some dangerous
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 in future.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Although
Linking Words
, for
children
Use synonyms
, television
also
Linking Words
 can be used for learning new languages or other study material,
however
Linking Words
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 mostly watch it for their
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.Excisive
time
Use synonyms
 watching these
gadets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
reduce vision,
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 patient level and frequent frustration which not only
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their mental
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
show examples
 like anxiety and depression.
For example
Linking Words
 , there is an article published by
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
 of India states that ,
Children
Use synonyms
 who are facing
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
 like depression and anxiety most likely caused by having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long hours
screen
Change preposition
of screen
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. On the one side,
although
Linking Words
 playing
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 games
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
a limted
show examples
limted
Correct your spelling
limited
time
Use synonyms
 makes
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 more creative , playing for
execessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
time
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
Use synonyms
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
 , a sendatory childhood
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 obesity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age which can lead
Change preposition
to
show examples
illnesses like
asthama
Correct your spelling
asthma
,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 problems and
also
Linking Words
 hamper
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 later in life.On the other side, reading
books
Use synonyms
 has several
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 which can help a child to grow wisely
such
Linking Words
 as improving reading skills which will help in future studies and it
also
Linking Words
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to increase
patient
Add an article
the patient
show examples
 level. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
, watching digital
gadegts
Correct your spelling
games
too much can cause mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 reading
books
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
's personal and
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 growth later in life.
yes
Add the punctuation
yes,
show examples
 parents should encourage them
reading
Change the verb form
to read
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 by restricting their excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to clarify your main argument and provide a more definitive stance. Your introduction could clearly state your opinion on the matter without ambiguity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using linking phrases.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and the correct usage of terms. This can improve the overall clarity of your writing.
content
You've made a clear attempt to engage with the topic and express your opinion on children's screen time and reading.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: