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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, individuals tend to search for a workplace, and
as a result
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, they are abandoning their families and friends. The downsides of moving for work can include bad connection with relatives and the difficulties of living alone but these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits,
such
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 as higher wages and better living conditions.
One
Use synonyms
 disadvantage of moving away from your familiar people to find a job is the bad connection with them. Individuals who left their families and friends felt frustrated that they could not make a normal conversation. Recent research has shown that those people who worked in another city mostly experienced isolation
as well as
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 introversion sides after returning to their hometown.
For instance
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. research by high school students has illustrated those employees who moved for work 70% of them have depression
On the other hand
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, the conveniences after moving for a job can be valuable. The higher wages and living conditions attract
one
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 to work in cities. Cities' standard of living thanks to investments of government are preferred by workers.
For example
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, an interview conducted by scholars at the University of Florida found that most employers are usually satisfied.
Moreover
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, statistics show that workers are regularly donating their money to their closest persons.
To conclude
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, there are many difficulties that
one
Use synonyms
 needs to overcome to face problems with moving far from that
one
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 love. Drawbacks
such
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 as economic aid for
one
Use synonyms
's family are great in terms of morality. I believe that staying with family is the better option, and finding a job in a locality would make your connection stronger.

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task achievement
Expand on the examples provided for better clarity and support, and ensure they directly relate to the argument being made.
coherence and cohesion
Work on polishing your introduction to clearly state your position on the advantages outweighing disadvantages, making it more direct and explicit.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate the main points more clearly to strengthen the summary of your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint, asserting that the advantages of moving outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
A range of relevant points are made, which shows an understanding of the complexities of the issue at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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