IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

contribution as % of indian"s GDP, in agriculture, services and industry

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The diagram depicts that
Indian’s
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India’s
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 GDP
divided
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is divided
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 into three parts; agriculture,
industry
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 and services. From an
overall
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respective
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perspective
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,
while
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 agriculture reduced steadily, the
percent
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 of GDP for services increased. In 1960, the percentage of agriculture was so high, reaching its peak of over 60
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percent
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per cent
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.
Then
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, it saw a dramatic reduction in the following years, reducing from approximately 50 in 1970 to about 12
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percent
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per cent
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 in the
last
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 year.
Additionally
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, there was a high gap between 1990 and 2000, showing an unmatched reduction in comparison to others. The
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percent
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percentage
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 of
industry
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 saw a small rise, starting from 14
percent
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 in the first year and
then
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 increased to over 23 in 1980 and 1990. Having increased to around 23
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percent
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per cent
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, the proportion of
industry
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 levelled off. Services started from the lowest
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percent
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per cent
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. It began at approximately 14
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percent
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per cent
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 by 1960, which was somewhat the same as
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industry
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an industry
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,
then
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 had risen to its peak, reaching over 60
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percent
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per cent
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 and took the lead by 2000.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to include a brief overview of the trends in agriculture, industry, and services. This will provide a clearer context for the reader.
task achievement
The specific data from different years is useful, but try to ensure your comparisons are clearer. For instance, directly relate the changes in GDP contributions to the trends in other sectors to boost coherence.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or explanations regarding the reasons behind the trends you mentioned. This could elevate the quality of your main points and enrich the overall response.
task achievement
You provided specific year data, which adds credibility and supports your analysis of the changes in GDP contributions over time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear progression from agriculture to industry and then services, which helps the reader follow your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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