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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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The fact of moving away to find a job
,
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 is a situation governed by the economic and political schemes of each country.
For instance
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, in Colombia my born country, there are three main cities that have 90% of opportunities to obtain a good job. In the case of moving away, the advantages are related to an improved economic situation and in most instances employment stability.
Consequently
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, a person who makes the decision has more money and is available to send to his family as help.
On the other hand
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, loneliness becomes the worst disadvantage, since being alone in another place makes you feel bad and with a permanent feeling of sadness,
above all
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 causing depression. To illustrate the before ideas, when I moved away to Spain, with the dream to study
a
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for a
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PhD and work as a researcher, I had
the
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expectations very high and believed, indeed, that being far away
of
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from
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 my nuclear family and my wife
will
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would
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 be easy.
However
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, as the days went by, I began to experience solitude.
Besides
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 the video call with them was not enough, only the hope in my heart was capable of making me get ahead.
Finally
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, I think we have to make a hard decision for
family
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the family
a family
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.

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your opinion on whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas, ensuring that each point logically connects to the next to enhance overall clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant personal experience to illustrate your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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