IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

While studying abroad provides an opportunity to broaden one’s experience, as also present the danger of letting influence from the host culture. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 are designed for people's leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Numerous
Change the article
A numerous
The numerous
show examples
number of young ones used to go there in their free
time
Use synonyms
.Some kind of citizens believe that
this
Linking Words
 will show a false image to the public but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do not completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
 my statement in
this
Linking Words
 passage.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Big
malls
Use synonyms
 are designed for public free
time
Use synonyms
 as a lot of young ones go there and have great fun around the big market.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a survey taken by
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 Sydney
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 in the year 2023 shows that
those juvenile
Change the determiner
that juvenile
those juveniles
show examples
 who used to visit the
malls
Use synonyms
 3 times a week seems to be happier than others as they spend their free hour in a good place where they can play bowling and do shopping
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
secondly
Linking Words
, When teenagers groom around these big
malls
Use synonyms
 more often than usual they get a habit of staying free all the
time
Use synonyms
 which is not a good sign for their future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rather than pupils waste their
time
Use synonyms
 on other things they used to do study or they can learn
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 skill which helps them in their future to have a better job opportunity.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think young people should go to shopping
malls
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 they should reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 which they spend on
their
Correct the word
theirs
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your main argument and present it more clearly in your introduction. Ensure that the thesis statement is strong and outlines the points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Rather than just stating that teens are happier when visiting malls, explain *why* this is the case.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Proofreading your essay for common mistakes can help enhance your writing quality.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both sides of the argument regarding the impact of shopping malls on young people.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant points that are linked to the topic, showing your engagement with the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: