Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is no denying the fact that
children
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who rise within wealthy
families
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are not able to deal with life challenges as those who were raised
up
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apply
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in
families
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with medium economic
state
Correct your spelling
status
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.
while
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it is a commonly held belief that being raised by wealthy
parents
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is great , there is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I agree that
childrens
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children
show examples
who are raised in
medium
Correct article usage
a medium
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economical
Correct word choice
economic
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state are more likely to face life problems.
To begin
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with ,
children
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who grow
in
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up in
show examples
wealthy
families
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often
stay
Verb problem
spend
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most
their
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of their
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childhood alone or with their
nanies
Correct your spelling
nannies
.
In other words
Linking Words
, their
parents
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are always busy and don't have
time
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to parent them, in opposite to
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
who are from medium
families
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are more likely to spend
time
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with their
parents
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.
For example
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, living in
mansion
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the mansion
a mansion
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is not like living in
apartment
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an apartment
the apartment
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
a mansion
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mansion
Add a comma
mansion,
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due to
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large
spaces
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spaces,
show examples
people tend to not see each other.
In contrast
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to
apartment
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the apartment
an apartment
show examples
where all family members sit together to have food and discuss different things daily. Another point to consider,
children
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who go and
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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into
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in
show examples
the community often
develope
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develop
develops
developed
strong
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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as they
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
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knowledge and
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
challenges by them
selfes
Correct your spelling
selves
show examples
, not like
children
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who are encircled with support all the
time
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, and everything is done for them.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
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, being in
neigborhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
and playing with other
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
improves
child
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mental development,
In contrast
Linking Words
to
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
a child
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raised by
wealthy
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a wealthy
show examples
parent who does not have
time
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for him,
an the
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a
the
show examples
child
Use synonyms
is all the
time
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facing the
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
screen and does not mix with society. In conclusion, despite people having different views. I believe that
parents
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should
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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a
child
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that is
Linking Words
cabable
Correct your spelling
capable
of facing the community and
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
show examples
in a healthy way with different societies and cultures.

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grammar
Make sure to use correct grammatical structures, especially when forming the plural of words (e.g., 'children' instead of 'childrens').
structure
Ensure there is a clear distinction between your points. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea you will discuss.
cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
support
Expand on your examples to provide more detail and clearly connect them to your main argument. This will strengthen your overall points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clearly defined opinion regarding the topic.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant to the prompt and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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