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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart on the right gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart on the right gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data present information about how many computer science
students
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 studied in the British
unversities
Correct your spelling
universities
 from 2010 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
numbers
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 of British men and women
students
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 are more than the international ones during
this
Linking Words
 time period. 2012 was the year with the highest
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
students
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 in the four categories. The UK female
students
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 are more than the male
conterparts
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counterparts
,
whereas
Linking Words
, the international male
students
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 are more than female
students
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. The
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of British national
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
students
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 started with less than 40
students
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 in 2010 which was higher than
Correct article usage
the women
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
numbers
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same year. It witnessed a decline in 2011 before it rais
agin
Correct your spelling
again
 in 2012 with almost 45
students
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 which was the peak of
this
Linking Words
 category.
However
Linking Words
, women
students
Use synonyms
 started with just above 30
students
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 in 2010.
Then
Linking Words
 their
numbers
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 had a dramatic increase in 2011 and 2012 with about 45
students
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 in both years which
surpasess
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surpasses
surpass
 the male number.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, International male
students
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 in 2010 and 2011 were below 25
students
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 before it had
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 significant increase in 2012 to less than 40
students
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. Female
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students
Change the noun form
student
show examples
numbers
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 were less than male
students
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 in the three years, starting with less than 15
students
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 in 2010. In the
last
Linking Words
 two
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 there were a slight
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 to around 20
students
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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