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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spent doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the mail features and making relevant comparison

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spent doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the mail features and making relevant comparison
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The given table illustrates the
time
Use synonyms
 during the week in which
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 something creative in Chester in the period between 2002 and 2007. In
general
Add a comma
general,
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 we can observe that the biggest amount of
time
Use synonyms
 children watched television and these numbers rose from year to year.
This
Linking Words
 situation may result in problems with teenagers' health.
For example
Linking Words
, it can lead to obesity . Other
out of school
Add a hyphen
out-of-school
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 occupations,
such
Linking Words
 as watching DVDs, doing homework, shopping and going to pubs/discos held not more than 20 hours per week. In comparison, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on disco and shopping
was growing
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 from 2002 to 2007,
hours
Correct word choice
and hours
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 for homework and sport dramatically decreased during the given period.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least
time
Use synonyms
 teens
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on boiling. I would like to summarize,Unfortunately,
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
 was not
so
Correct word choice
as
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 interesting for children as TV between 2002 and 2007.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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