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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

THE BAR CHART BELOW GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS STUDYING COMPUTER SCIENCE AT A UK university between 2010 and 2012. Summarise the info by selecting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

THE BAR CHART BELOW GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS STUDYING COMPUTER SCIENCE AT A UK university between 2010 and 2012. Summarise the info by selecting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart compares
between
Change preposition
apply
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the rate of overseas and
local's
Change noun form
local
show examples
British
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who studied in section
computers
Fix the agreement mistake
computer
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 science
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
th
Correct your spelling
the
 UK
collage
Correct your spelling
college
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 from 2010 to 2012
Overall
Linking Words
 , the chart illustrates the number
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders who study in the United Kingdom , it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can be seen that in the general
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 the
British
Use synonyms
 home
students
Use synonyms
 were
a
Change the article
apply
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higher than the international
students
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, women's
British
Use synonyms
 were around nearly 30 per cent by 2010
while
Linking Words
, in 2011 , rising an approximately under half , after that the rate of women's
educationer
Correct your spelling
education
 were a hit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peak in the year 2012.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the male of the Uk and overseas
students
Use synonyms
 were
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
24% and 23% respectively in 2011,
Likewise
Linking Words
 in 2012, the
foreign
Correct quantifier usage
number of foreign
show examples
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lower than
British
Use synonyms
 home
students
Use synonyms
 in the year 2012.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words british, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • breakdown
  • increase
  • decrease
  • stable
  • spike
  • drop
  • percentage change
  • overall
  • noteworthy
  • observations
  • main features
  • comparison
  • relevant
  • highlight
  • significant
  • summarize
  • gender analysis
  • male students
  • female students
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