IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the biggest problems facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigge challenge . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
These days, with the influential impacts of transport , some argue that increasing transportation is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest
problem
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 there may be valid arguments to the contrary. My easy tents to dwell upon both views.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of freight is increasing day by day because of better lifestyles and era management . Whenever
community
Correct article usage
a community
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 have their own transport, they easily manage their
time
Use synonyms
 and move from one place to another.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 not only affects the environment but
also
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 affects
people
Use synonyms
's health.
Besides
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this
Linking Words
 , parking is a measure
problem
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 cannot easily find
car
Use synonyms
 space
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
downtown, society will face
this
Linking Words
 issue when they drive
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
community
Add an article
the community
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 will park their
car
Use synonyms
 at the loading zone or no stop zone and they will get a fine ticket.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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 ,
however
Linking Words
,increasing
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is the biggest challenge. Because
car
Use synonyms
 space are fewer and parking
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 are getting more expensive.
For instance
Linking Words
,
officer
Add an article
the officer
an officer
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 who
drive
Change the verb form
drives
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 their
car
Use synonyms
 and park in the building for a few hours will cost them higher.
Body paragraph 4
Also
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on the road in the peak times because everyone goes home after office hours.
This
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 will cause
people
Use synonyms
 mental stress , and fatigue and reduce the spent
time
Use synonyms
 with their family or kids.
Body paragraph 5
Restaurants which are open in the cities
also
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 face the same
problem
Use synonyms
 as increasing the
Use synonyms
vehicles
Correct quantifier usage
number of vehicles
show examples
 and
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to traffic, so some family will choose to different areas which are near their house without going to cities.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, increasing the number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is a vast
problem
Use synonyms
 because of imposing lifestyle and
time
Use synonyms
 management .
However
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 should
ba
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 made aware of the positive sides of walking and using eco-friendly transportation like bicycles.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should clearly state both sides of the argument and follow with your opinion more explicitly. Make sure to include all necessary elements in your introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add more clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to improve flow and connection between ideas.
Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph completely develops a single main idea, supported by examples, to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay presents relevant points about the problems caused by an increasing number of vehicles, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
There are attempts to provide examples and elaborations on the impacts of vehicle increase on cities, which adds depth to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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