You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: •Say what you have learned in your present job, •Suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department, •Explain why you do not wish to leave the company.

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Dear Mr Joony Jacop, I am Kate Dawson. I have been working as a cabin crew for three years. And, I am happy with my current job. I love passenger relationships, service to them

moreover

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flying. Especially, flying is my biggest passion.

Due to

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this

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thought, I am really interested in being a pilot. I would like to become a captain.

To begin

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with, in these three years, I have learned too many things.

For instance

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, Crew Resources Management.

This

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skill is useful in aviation.

Also

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, I used it. So

that is

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why, I will able to be really quick adjust to my new job.

Furthermore

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, I have taken

planor

Correct your spelling

pilot license. These will

Verb problem

have

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a positive impact on our aviation company.

Not to mention

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in fact that, ABC Airlines will increasingly improve my flying skills,

also

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you will be a good opportunity for my career.

This

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is because you should change my department

Change preposition

to a

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cockpit. To be honest, I really feel similar to our company. All things considered, I do not want to change my company. I can not imagine myself working for another one. I would like to stay in there and become a pilot. Thank you for considering my request. I would be happy to discuss

this

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further

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at your convenience. Yours faithfully, Kate Dawson

ecem.tekbenThu Feb 06 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Try to keep sentences clear and avoid adding too many ideas in one sentence which can cause confusion.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to structure your paragraphs more distinctly; each one should focus on a single topic to improve clarity.

task achievement

Enhance the formality of your tone, especially in a professional context, to better match the expectations of business communication.

task achievement

Clarify your transition request - detail what you mean by moving to the cockpit; consider explaining how this aligns with company goals.

task achievement

You express a strong passion for your dream job as a pilot, which adds a personal touch to your letter.

task achievement

The letter is polite and maintains a respectful tone throughout, which is important in a professional setting.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

218 words

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Counties are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to help employees perform better in their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?