IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart shows the sleep patterns of workers of five certain professions based on a Canadian study.
Overall
Linking Words
, students and full-time mothers have an opportunity to sleep the highest number of
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 doctors and business
executive
Fix the agreement mistake
executives
show examples
 sleep shorter
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 students and business
executive
Fix the agreement mistake
executives
show examples
 have the most stable sleep,
whereas
Linking Words
 truck drivers, full-time
mothes
Correct your spelling
mothers
mother
, and doctors have breaks during it. Focusing first on the groups with the most durable sleep, students spend in bed 8
hours
Use synonyms
, from 11 pm to 7 am,
while
Linking Words
 full-time mothers, sleeping the same amount of time in total, have one
interraption
Correct your spelling
interruption
 at night,
as well as
Linking Words
 a little nap in the afternoon, between 1 and 3 pm. As for the remaining groups of people, business
executive
Fix the agreement mistake
executives
show examples
 and truck drivers have only 6
hours
Use synonyms
 to rest. Notably, the first ones sleep without any
interraptions
Correct your spelling
interruptions
interruption
 from 11 pm to 6 am, as opposed to the
lattest
Correct your spelling
latest
 group which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 three short
sleeps
Change the wording
periods of sleep
nights of sleep
show examples
 throughout 24
hours
Use synonyms
. With
regartd
Correct your spelling
regard
regards
 to the doctors whose sleep lasts 5
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
, from 1 to 7 am, they have
1-hour
Add an article
a 1-hour
show examples
 break between 3 and 4 am.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: