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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe educational qualifications always bring success. Others think educational qualifications do not necessarily bring success. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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There is no denying the fact that formal
education
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 has an essential role in bringing
success
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,
while
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 it is a commonly held belief that many people achieve levels in their professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 without the need for educational qualifications .
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and elaborate my opinion.
To begin
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 with , there are numerous reasons behind the
relation concept
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relationship
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 between educational qualification and
success
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.
Firstly
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, the degree can be a stepping stone to better job opportunities
in addition
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 to the competitive job market which makes employees prioritize their formal
education
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.
For instance
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 ,there is a common belief that graduates are often more knowledgeable and highly skilled in their fields than the other.
Secondly
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, higher
education
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 often leads to financial stability
due to
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 the stable annual income for a certain degree.
On the other hand
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 , in terms of
education
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 , not the only factor , many successful people are self-made and they
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
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success
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 without a conventional
education
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.
Furthermore
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 , many industries require talent ,problem-solving abilities and resilience as quality
thus
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 an academic degree is not necessary
in
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for
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 many creative and high-salary jobs .
For example
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 , a number of billionaires in the world have not finished secondary school and become focused on their skills and mentality . In conclusion , there are many aspects of
success
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,
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apply
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and different ways to the same goal which is achieving
success
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 and financial stability in life .It is true that educational qualifications are important in developing a stable professional life ,
although
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 self-made minds are significantly dominant in the market of many jobs .

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task achievement
Clarify the connection between qualifications and success in your introduction to enhance clarity.
coherence
Develop your topic sentences further to indicate how each point connects to your main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your claims, especially regarding how non-educational factors contribute to success.
coherence
Good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Well articulated contrasting views on education and success, demonstrating critical thinking.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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