IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to child's developmet as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in highschool. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today high school level should obtain
art
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 courses like painting and drawing as obligatory subjects because it is significant for children's improvement. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and I will mention elaboration of
this
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 topic throughout
this
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 essay. The extension of the curriculum in high school that included a number of actor and painting classes led to
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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personal
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of personal
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skills
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. In other terms, when a
child's
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child is
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 learning and training about various aspects of
art
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 these provide essential
skills
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such
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 as critical thinking, problem-solving and communication
skills
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.
For instance
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, in 2010, a study conducted at King Abdulaziz Advance School in Jeddah, on students who attained
art
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 subjects compared with pupils
have
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who have
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 not gained these materials the results showed a 35% development of personal
skills
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 for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 took these classes. The revolution of arts in Saudi Arabia is widely distributed these days around numerous events to be contemporary with the 2030 employment vision. For that reason, must all high schools establish arts subjects in their approach and educational program in order to, enhance and prepare students for future careers.
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,in a prospective study published at Umm Al-Quraa University in Makkah, about the estimation of the amount of
art
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 job opportunities in 2030 the results have shown increasing
by
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of
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 27%
of
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in
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 jobs
required
Verb problem
apply
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related to
art
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. In conclusion, nowadays the studying of
art
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 in schools is considered extremely crucial
due to
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 the enhancement of vital
students
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students'
student's
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 personal
skills
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 and raising employment in these fields. From my perspective, I completely support
this
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 idea and I recommend fostering and applying
this
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 concept in all schools.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed exploration of why art classes are essential compared to other subjects. This will strengthen your argument and offer a clearer perspective on the significance of art education.
coherence and cohesion
In the example about the study at King Abdulaziz Advance School, clarify the connection between art classes and the specific personal skills developed to avoid ambiguity.
coherence and cohesion
In your second paragraph, you mention the 'revolution of arts in Saudi Arabia.' Elaborating on what this revolution entails could enhance your argument and provide context for the reader.
task achievement
There is a clear stance taken in your introduction, signaling your agreement with the importance of art classes in high schools, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay features relevant examples, particularly the studies you referenced, which support your arguments and demonstrate research.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which facilitates understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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