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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart provides information on five different areas of expenditure in the UK and France in 2010.

The bar chart provides information on five different areas of expenditure in the UK and France in 2010.
Relatively more money was spent by the
UK
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 on cars, books and
cameras
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 than
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France
Change preposition
in France
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.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the former category, the
UK
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 spent just over 450,000
pounds
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,
whereas
Linking Words
France
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 used about 55,000
pounds
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 less. For books, the expenditure gap widened, but both countries
expended
Verb problem
spent
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 less than they did on cars: approximately 400,000 and 300,000
pounds
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 for the
UK
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 and
France
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, respectively. The margin in spending was the largest for
cameras
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, with the figure for
France
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 being more than two times smaller (150,000
pounds
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) than that for the
UK
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 (slightly over 350,000
pounds
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).
However
Linking Words
,
France
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’s
expense
Replace the word
expenditure
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 on computers and perfume was higher than the
UK
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’s. About 380,000
pounds
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 was spent by
France
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 on computers as opposed to 350,000
pounds
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 by the
UK
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, but the amounts for perfume were a lot lower with the respective figures of 200,000 and just under 150,000
pounds
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
UK
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 spent more money on cars, books and
cameras
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,
whereas
Linking Words
France
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 did so on the other two categories: computers and perfume. It is
also
Linking Words
 apparent that both these nations
used
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 the most money on automobiles, and the biggest difference in expenditure was recorded in
cameras
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, cameras, france, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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