n the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

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Maybe, 20 years ago, most
people
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only needed
one
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job to feed their family or themselves.
However
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, things have changed in recent years. More and more
people
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need to have
one
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more job to support their family's living.
This
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seems not to be a positive trend, and many citizens are likely to struggle with
this
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trend. More importantly, it is necessary to understand
this
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trend. The main reason for
this
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circumstance could be an increase in the cost of living. As a society develops, it possibly brings
inflation
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.
One
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sign of
inflation
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is that everything becomes more expensive.
As a consequence
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,
people
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might not be able to afford their current living standards.
For example
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,
according to
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the news, the USA is facing
inflation
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right now. Many
people
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find that they are struggling with their rents because, in some areas, rents have become double the amount compared to the cost of renting a home a few years ago. In order to pay rent,
people
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have to work
two
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jobs
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at the same
time
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. Facing
inflation
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, some
people
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, especially the working class, consider it a negative influence because
people
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need to work more to survive.
However
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, there are benefits and drawbacks to working
two
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jobs
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at the same
time
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.
One
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significant drawback would be that
people
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do not have enough personal
time
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.
For example
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, a person who works at a cafe from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm, but
this
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person's second job starts at 5:00 pm at a restaurant and finishes at 9:00 pm. After a busy workday,
this
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person might not have
time
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to deal with their personal life because long working hours lead to no energy left to cope with other things. Despite
this
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drawback,
one
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benefit of
two
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jobs
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could be more
money
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. And
this
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is the main reason why
people
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have
two
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jobs
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.
Although
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many
people
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do not think that more
money
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could be a benefit, the fact is that
people
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need the
money
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from working
two
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jobs
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. In conclusion, even though
two
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jobs
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bring more
money
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, it is not a good way to have a comfortable life.
Additionally
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,
inflation
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could make
people
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have to work more to pay their rent.

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coherence and cohesion
Expand your introduction to provide a clearer overview of the essay's structure.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to include more specific examples to further strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transition words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You effectively identify inflation as a key reason for multiple jobs, which is relevant and clear.
task achievement
You provided a well-explained example of how working two jobs can affect personal time, illustrating the drawback clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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