IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern times, public
transport
Use synonyms
 between cities is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important issue. Related to
this
Linking Words
 some individuals support the
contructing
Correct your spelling
construction
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 train
lines
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others think that it is necessary to
improving
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 existing public
transport
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both two views and give my own opinion. On the one hand,
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers must reduce their dependence on cars and buses for traffic problems.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, parking a car is extremely difficult in big cities. That's why
city
Use synonyms
 ​​officials should take steps in order to develop new railway
lines
Use synonyms
. Fast
trains
Use synonyms
 help people can travel quickly from one
city
Use synonyms
 to another. New speed
trains
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
enough
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
cheap and fast can make intercity transportation more effective.
Also
Linking Words
, fast
trains
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very comfortable and environmentally friendly. So governments should spend a large amount of money on building railway
lines
Use synonyms
 to both promote tourism and reduce pollution.
For example
Linking Words
,
Novosti
Correct article usage
the Novosti
show examples
 agency reports that a new type of passenger train in Japan has reached a record speed of 366
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 per hour.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of new projects, improving existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 is more practical. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are bus and metro
lines
Use synonyms
 in most developing cities.
Although
Linking Words
 they are dirty,
old-fasioned
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
 and
slowly
Change the word
slow
show examples
, these issues can be overcome and problems solved. The government can implement these projects more cheaply and in a shorter time. The
city
Use synonyms
 budget can
also
Linking Words
 cover these costs.
Additionally
Linking Words
, investment in existing buses and
trains
Use synonyms
 will ease traffic congestion. In conclusion, I believe that it is more important to invest in current public
transport
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can start thinking about fast train projects.

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly differentiate between the two sides of the argument in your introduction. The phrase 'both two views' is slightly awkward; consider rephrasing it to 'both views' or 'both perspectives'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words or phrases can help guide the reader through your argument. For example, adding 'On the other hand' at the start of your contrasting paragraph would enhance cohesion.
Task Response
Be careful with subject-verb agreement and vocabulary choices. For example, 'speed trains which is enough cheap' should be corrected to 'high-speed trains, which are relatively inexpensive'.
Task Response
You have provided relevant examples, such as the reference to the new type of passenger train in Japan, which strengthens your argument.
Task Response
Your essay presents a clear opinion at the end, which is important for expressing your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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