IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The given bar graph represents agricultural goods in two different regions of the land

The given bar graph represents agricultural goods in two different regions of the land
The given bar graph represents agricultural goods in two different regions of the land. There are include Eastern
Region
Use synonyms
 and Western
Region
Use synonyms
 of the country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the East
Region
Use synonyms
gets
Verb problem
has
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 diurnal products and
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
show examples
production
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 Western
Add a missing verb
has one
show examples
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
syperiority
Correct your spelling
superiority
priority
 in grain
production
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they were equal
produced
Change preposition
in produced
show examples
 meat. Obviously,
Eastern
Correct article usage
the Eastern
show examples
 one is the most important indicates in meat manufacture, but the Western differed its the most grain produce.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the grain gained
superior
Correct article usage
a superior
show examples
 percentage in the West, so
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 the way with 45%. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it prevailed Eastern grainy only 30%.
However
Linking Words
, in Western
production
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
fewest
Correct article usage
the fewest
show examples
 vegetables, which was indicated only five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but
Eastern
Change preposition
in Eastern
show examples
vegie
Correct your spelling
vegetables
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
15% than Western.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 Western daily
production
Use synonyms
 was half as much as the East, approximately 15%. Meanwhile, meat
production
Use synonyms
 was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in both countries.
The both
Remove the article
Both
show examples
Use synonyms
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
produced 35 %.
Consequently
Linking Words
, both of the land
was consumption
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 not only
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 different, too.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words region, production with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: