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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.

The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.
The pie charts on the left depict the percentage of three
power
Use synonyms
-generating ways by organisations in Germany and
France
Use synonyms
 in 2009
whereas
Linking Words
 the rights graphs compare how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable energy was utilised to compose segments in these countries in that same year.
Overall
Linking Words
, German companies generated electric
power
Use synonyms
 mainly from conventional thermal,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear was the primary source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 generating
power
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the fundamental segment of renewables in
France
Use synonyms
 was hydroelectric, being by far different from German companies, which exhibited more or less similar percentages. The traditional thermal was the leader in Germany in comparison with other types, representing almost 60%. Nuclear and renewables contained the other shares, showing 23% and 17,4% respectively.
France
Use synonyms
 obtained approximately
three-fourth
Correct your spelling
three-fourths
show examples
 of electric energy generally out of nuclear
power
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other methods illustrated around a fourth of the total altogether. Around two-thirds of
reuseable
Correct your spelling
reusable
show examples
 electricity in French companies,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, was acquired from biomass and wind, depicting more or less similar percentages of 39,3 and 36,9. Hydroelectric and solar
power
Use synonyms
 made around 24% together.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 different trend emerged for
France
Use synonyms
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 vast majority of energy being used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water-electric purposes, remaining 20%
belonged
Wrong verb form
belonging
show examples
 to biomass and wind, representing 8,1% and 10,5% respectively. Solar
power
Use synonyms
sshowed
Correct your spelling
showed
 the minor part of the
overall
Linking Words
 part.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, power with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "more or less" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • electricity-generating sources
  • markets
  • renewable energy
  • composition
  • nuclear energy
  • fossil fuels
  • generate electricity
  • comprise
  • contrast
  • double
  • compare
  • utilize
  • segment
  • dependency
  • significant differences
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