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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and women across different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who engaged in regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, women were more physically active than
men
Use synonyms
 in most
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except for the youngest category.
While
Linking Words
 male participation
initially
Linking Words
 declined and
then
Linking Words
 gradually increased, the opposite trend was observed for females, with a steady rise until middle
age
Use synonyms
, followed by a slight decline in the oldest
group
Use synonyms
. For
men
Use synonyms
, the highest proportion of physically active individuals was in the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, at slightly above 50%.
However
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, participation rates
then
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 dropped significantly to around 42% in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and reached their lowest point (just below 40%) among those aged 35-44.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 decline, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 exercising regularly gradually increased with
age
Use synonyms
, reaching approximately 47% in the 65+ category.
In contrast
Linking Words
, women's participation in physical activity followed an opposite pattern. The youngest
group
Use synonyms
 (15-24) had a slightly lower rate than
men
Use synonyms
, at just under 50%.
However
Linking Words
, from 25 onwards, the percentage of active females consistently surpassed that of males, peaking at around 53% in the 55-64
group
Use synonyms
. In the oldest
age
Use synonyms
 category (65 and over), the figure declined slightly to just under 50%, yet it remained higher than the male equivalent.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participation
  • Age group
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Notable
  • Gender gap
  • Comparative analysis
  • Consistent
  • Decline
  • Progressive
  • Conversely
  • Motivations
  • Barriers
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