IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science shoud be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that the presence of
science
Use synonyms
 should advance society's living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. The writer entirely agrees that the
development
Use synonyms
 of
science
Use synonyms
 would enhance human
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and will discuss the reason in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The field of
science
Use synonyms
 has various majors and one of them is robotic
science
Use synonyms
 engineering. With the advancement of
this
Linking Words
 field, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 are being helped or even replaced by it.
For instance
Linking Words
, the innovation of robot vacuum has helped
people
Use synonyms
in keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 their house clean without mopping the floor by themselves, but
instead
Linking Words
 by only scheduling the robot through the app. On a larger scale, the
development
Use synonyms
 of robotic fields
also
Linking Words
 helps manufacturers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
automate
its factory
Fix the agreement mistake
their factories
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is no longer necessary to work long hours to finish tasks or produce things as there is automation. In the long
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
, it
also
Linking Words
 improves society well
being
Verb problem
well-being
show examples
 as
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can spend more time with families and friends Other majors of
science
Use synonyms
 are medical fields.The
development
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 field has improved humanity's lifespan from only 30 years old
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to more than 60 years old. One of the key reasons for
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 is
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the invention of vaccines that can help bodies
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
build immunity so that the next time
bacterias
Fix the agreement mistake
bacteria
show examples
 and viruses come, the antibodies will protect
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from diseases.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the advancement of
this
Linking Words
 major has helped
people
Use synonyms
 with eye problems to see the world clearly.
This
Linking Words
 is caused by the progress made in optical surgeries where
people
Use synonyms
 wearing glasses can have laser surgeries to adjust their
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
 so that they are able to see the world without glasses. In summary, it has been explained that
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 has improved human life in many ways,
such
Linking Words
 as the
development
Use synonyms
 of automation that helps
people
Use synonyms
 to have more time, the invention of vaccines that
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s lifespan and optical laser surgeries that help
people
Use synonyms
 with glasses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your introduction to more clearly outline the points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and clarity, especially in complex sentences.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points on robotics and healthcare advancements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: