IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example, working for charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The discussion of social services that are not paid is surely one that begs the question of exactly a responsibility for all citizens. Some people believe that learning useful and kind plans should not continue as a practice because students develop their life skills in the family.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion, it is completely justified because the institute is the place where children promote their critical thinking. In modern society, the benefits of helping other people in society are clearly visible. One clear reason comes from the fact that we are living in a group called community and we are sociable creatures so we have to engage
relationships
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in relationships
show examples
 with others.
for example
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, helping an old man to cross through the street.
Therefore
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, if analyzed properly, there is no argument for the fact that people have to develop their human source in case to lend a hand to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others
Furthermore
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, it is argued that learning new features in
school
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 has some great social, economic, and practical pros as well. The argument stems from the fact that we develop our interests in
school
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 and learn to foster our emotional well-being.
for example
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, collecting wasted food is another case that we can do to clean the appearance of the city and in between feeding the cats is another effective impact of it. Based on these reasons, it is not a far-fetched conclusion to say that learning some programmes in schools has to be mandatory work.
To conclude
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, thinking about a better society acquires initial teachings. The claims against participating in different extracurricular activities of the
school
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 are conspicuous because of the moral effects.
Nonetheless
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, I stand firm
by
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in
show examples
 my opinion that the primary teaching must have happened in
school
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 to be an awareness citizen will benefit us a large
due to
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 the personal result.

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Task Achievement
The introduction should clearly outline your position regarding whether you agree or disagree with making community service compulsory. Make sure to use precise language in stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to your argument. For instance, when discussing how community service can help develop skills, provide clearer, direct examples that link more explicitly to personal development or community benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like "on the other hand" and "in addition" can help link your ideas more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph flows logically. The second paragraph's ideas could connect back more clearly to your main argument. Consider explicitly linking each point back to why community service should be mandatory.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the conclusion does summarize points made, it could be more impactful by reiterating your main argument clearly. Strong conclusions reinforce your position succinctly.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view while both agreeing and addressing potential counterarguments, which shows critical thinking.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, though needing refinement, indicates an effort to strengthen your arguments, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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