IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries such as China, India, and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact, many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some suggestions to address this problem

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Countries with a huge population
such
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 as
China
Use synonyms
,India and Japan everyday getting bigger and bigger. Nowadays many experts think that
this
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 is the most serious threat to life on
this
Linking Words
 planet. In
this
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 essay, I will describe some problems and solutions.
To begin
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 with,most of the world's public
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 two countries which are India (1.500.000) and
China
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(1.400.000). These two states are suffering from overpopulation.
Although
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, there were many reasons behind
this
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 growth, one of them is the uncontrolled birth rate. Because there was no concept of family planning in these states and people used to have many children.
However
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, it can only be stopped by introducing strict laws.
For example
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,
China
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 created a new law,
every
Correct pronoun usage
that every
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 family should have only 1 child and because of it dragged
China
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 from 1st to 2nd position in the chart of the largest population in the world. Another solution is to focus on
women
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's empowerment. When
women
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 have access to education and equal job opportunities, they are more likely to have fewer children. Empowering
women
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 gives them more control over their lives and decisions, which can directly reduce the birth rate. Governments should
also
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 create policies that support
women
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 in the workforce, making it easier for them to balance career and family life. In conclusion, nowadays the planet has the one of biggest problems overpopulation, every country should concentrate on that issue.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the issues related to population growth and the solutions you will discuss in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you provide a logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Linking words or phrases could improve this aspect.
task achievement
While you provided an example from China, you could benefit from additional specific examples or statistical evidence to support your claims, particularly regarding women's empowerment.
task achievement
You effectively identified key issues related to overpopulation and proposed solutions, showcasing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsustainable population growth
  • population explosion
  • family planning programs
  • gender equality
  • economic development
  • sustainable growth
  • fertility rates
  • technological advancements
  • infrastructural development
  • incentivize
  • tax benefits
  • subsidies
  • environmental impacts
  • social impacts
  • healthcare systems
  • reproductive health services
  • contraception
  • legislative measures
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