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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The question is raising of a
child
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility of a
mother
Use synonyms
 or a
father
Use synonyms
. The raising of a
child
Use synonyms
 is a multifaceted process that requires a balanced approach, integrating emotional
support
Use synonyms
, effective discipline, and educational opportunities, all of which are essential for fostering resilience and promoting healthy development in a rapidly changing world. . In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we going to discuss both views.
To begin
Linking Words
, There are amount of people who believe, It is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
parent. women have better
support
Use synonyms
 emotional than men,
Moreover
Linking Words
, Many children tend to grow up with their parents. Because the mom is not strict or making punishment.
For instance
Linking Words
, When you do something wrong the
mother
Use synonyms
's mind the emotional,
Therefore
Linking Words
, She will not make a punishment or argue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. There are people who tend to it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
dad. The
father
Use synonyms
 used to have a better budget
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Because the
father
Use synonyms
 has to hard work and make money,
Therefore
Linking Words
, He could
support
Use synonyms
 a
child
Use synonyms
 with money or healthy care and
also
Linking Words
 a better education,
However
Linking Words
, The
father
Use synonyms
 has strict raising and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 many
argumants
Correct your spelling
arguments
,
for instance
Linking Words
, When they came back their home late at the night, The
child
Use synonyms
 could take punishment. In the conclusion. All of them essential parts of the
child
Use synonyms
,
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, They complete each other, When the
father
Use synonyms
 is punished, the
child
Use synonyms
 can find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 emotional with their mom. In my opinion, The
mother
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 at raising of a
child
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 better
envirmonet
Correct your spelling
environment
 than
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
father
Use synonyms
,
Therefore
Linking Words
, I tend to grow up with
their
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
mother
Use synonyms
. Kim Jihon sincerely.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve grammatical structures and clarify ideas to enhance readability.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points and ensure they are clearly linked to your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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