IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Study shows that many criminals have a low level education.For that reason, some people believe that the bast way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that many criminals attempt crime
due to
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 a low level of
education
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 and some believe that educating the
prisoners
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 is a constructive way to reduce the crimes. I agree with
this
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 notion,
this
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 essay will shed light on the benefits of studies for lawbreakers with real-time examples.
To begin
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 with, insufficient
education
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 can be one reason to commit an
offense
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offence
show examples
, as an individual can't qualify for even an interview without enough qualifications to acquire a job, and having no job leads to poor finances, which are necessary to purchase bread and butter every day,
thus
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, nobody can escape from violating the rules to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 basic needs,
such
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 as theft, in these kinds of circumstances. To uphold my article of faith, I would jot down an illustration of the Delhi city Capital of India, where every child with no parents is caught by the police,
due to
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 small offences committed by them for their desires. Most of them are not getting studied and the main question arising here is how they will be able to earn money in the future.
On the other hand
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, educating
prisoners
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 can be an effective method to decrease crime. Not only does it give enough knowledge and skills to make someone deserve a well-paid opportunity, but it
also
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 gives them enough room to think about their good and bad,
such
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 after getting an
education
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prisoners
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 will surely obtain a job to secure
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 future rather than just struggling with the same habits and waste life. To
examplify
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exemplify
this
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 notion, India is a place where every year at least 100 offenders are
aquiring
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acquiring
 jobs after getting
qualifed
Correct your spelling
qualified
from
Change preposition
for
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the
Change the word
their
show examples
 studies and they
are ending
Wrong verb form
end
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 up their lives as a
theif
Correct your spelling
thief
 or murderers.
To conclude
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, low
education
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 can be the reason for
adapting
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adopting
show examples
 the habits of offence and it can
also
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 reduced by giving the learnings to the
prisoners
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points with more detailed examples that reinforce your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the overall flow of your essay; try to use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph fully supports your main argument with clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint on the topic.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to provide examples throughout the essay.
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