IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that when a new town will be developed, there should be more parks than shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that during the time of developing a new
town
Use synonyms
, there should be more
parks
Use synonyms
 than shopping
malls
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because if there are more
parks
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 than shopping
malls
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 in a
town
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 that will
offer
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 more open
spaces
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 for physical activities and provide places to relax for its residents. If a
town
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 has more
parks
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 than shopping
malls
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, they provide enough
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spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
 for physical activities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 its inhabitants. To maintain good health, physical exercise is crucial and
parks
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 allow
people
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 to engage in various types of physical exercise and sports.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parks
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 can improve the
overall
Linking Words
 health and well-being of
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK,
people
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 are healthy because each
town
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 has more
parks
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 than shopping
malls
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, which
offer
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 adequate facilities for physical exercise to its children and
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 inhabitants.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parks
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offer
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spaces
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 for
relaxation
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 to the visitors.
Parks
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 are generally full of fresh air and green trees which
offer
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 suitable places for
relaxation
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.
People
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, after a busy and hectic day, can come to the park, enjoy
fresh
Correct article usage
the fresh
show examples
 air,
walk
Correct word choice
and walk
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 for
sometime
Replace the word
some time
show examples
 to unwind
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 helps to improve their mental states and releases their stress and anxieties.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, one of the primary reasons for going to
parks
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 is
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
some
relaxation
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 in the fresh air because it enhances the mental state of
people
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 after a busy stressful day. In conclusion, I fully agree with the viewpoint that a
town
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 should have more
parks
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 than shopping
malls
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 places for
relaxation
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 to improve the minds of
people
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 and enough
spaces
Use synonyms
 for physical activities to enhance their health.

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task achievement
Include a more varied range of examples to strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear main idea and that each one elaborates on this idea effectively. Some points can be better developed.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical flow, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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